Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
one might say we're banned from that church
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
