Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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