Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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