i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
