And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
