Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
