Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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