Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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