My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
