At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize