I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
