Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
