I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
