be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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