I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
