I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
