she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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