she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
