well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
