I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
