i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
