I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
