Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
