I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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