she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
