I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
