he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Randomize
