Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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