jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
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