I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
