It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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