McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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