not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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