you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
