TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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