make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
