Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
