Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
