I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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