We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
