You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
