i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
cat food counts as protein by the way
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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