...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I need a beard to bite.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
