Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
