he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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