Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
