youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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