last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize