Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
