Im at strip club and am horny
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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