I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
