Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
