I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
