why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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