I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
