This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
