ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
