So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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