Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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