Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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