i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize