summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
