So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize