hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
