nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
