K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
