i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
