I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
