Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
