with your own penis?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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