I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
