Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
