Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I did not marry a roomba.
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