i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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