Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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