the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize